Experience a Marriage Filled with Connection, Partnership & Passion!

Welcome to Marriage Solutions

If you're beyond "run of the mill" disagreements/complaints then you've come to the right place to learn proven, actionable strategies & skills to turn around even the most troubled marriages and (importantly) keep it great, especially if your partner is resistant to or flat-out refuses therapy or coaching.  This isn't vague concepts or trite advice, but specific strategies and skills proven to work from research, with past clients, and in my own marriage (which has faced far, far more than its fair share of challenges).

And more than just telling you "what" to do, I'll teach HOW to do each piece, every step of the way.

The approach that works

Having a marriage that succeeds long-term is just like a business that thrives or a sports team that wins, year after year, decade after decade.  You need to do four things: keep your skills sharp, pay attention to the little things, not take your customers or opposing team for granted, and recognize that there will be losses, challenging seasons and even an occasional gut-check.  This is the same way teams like the Yankees create dynasties and companies like Apple turn near-bankruptcy into fanatic customers and a nearly four-trillion dollar market capitalization.

When you approach your marriage this way you can maintain perspective on the conflicts/challenges you inevitably will have and prevent small upsets from snowballing into major ruptures. 

What makes a marriage great?

People have a wide variety of expectations of marriage, but I've developed a formula that, when met, everyone agrees that it's a GREAT marriage.  What is this "magic formula"?  It's when you feel your marriage is strong across the three dimensions of friendship, partnership and sexual intimacy.  Many people expect less, but everyone agrees that when you've got all three you definitely have a great marriage.

No matter how you prioritize these three dimensions or define what 'success' means for each, if you're missing any one dimension then your marriage maybe be functional but it isn't great, if you're missing two dimensions then it's likely to be causing you more pain than joy, and if you're coming up short on all three dimensions then you're running on fumes, either white-knuckling to fight your way back to love or, conversely, checked out and resigned.

According to Human Needs Psychology a partner will feel compelled to stay in a relationship if they're getting three or more of their needs met, and based on my own experiences over thirty years I can say this is largely true.  However, two people can feel that they're getting important needs met but still have a marriage that doesn't operate well.  You can think of it like having a car that's reliable and big enough but with uncomfortable seats and control system that has you pressing the wrong button half the time; primary needs are being met but you're still deeply unhappy and probably agitated to boot.

My Marriage Success Habits make the experience of marriage wonderful; they get your marriage back on track and make it much more enjoyable and motivating to work on core skills like effective communication, compromise and conflict resolution.

When you've got more than the "usual" problems

Marriage challenges are inevitable, but they can become downright soul-crushing when you keep having the same disappointments, disagreements and even fights, over and over (and over) again.

And when you're dealing with demanding careers, special-needs children, chronic sleep or pain issues, elder care and/or career frustration on top of "normal" marriage stresses you're arguing more, connecting less, and life feels like juggling grenades: you can't keep going on like this, but you can't drop anything or it will all blow up.

If you're feeling this way and still married then I can guess that divorce goes against your commitment to marriage and family (and maybe even your faith), but imagining a future that's more of the same or even worse is too much to bear.

Know this: there IS hope.  How can I be so sure?  Because I've been there myself.

You need a clear plan so you know how to achieve your goal and some key skills to overcome the obstacles on the way there, like a map and hiking skills to navigate your way out of a dark forest.  Without the skills you'll remain stuck in your current loop of overwhelm, upsets, fighting and disconnection.  Without the plan you won't know if you're on the right path.  

How to Repair Your Marriage

There are many skills which are necessary for a good or even great marriage, but it all starts with the 11 Habits.  Just like simple stretches and movements to keep your muscles limber and your joints mobile, these habits keep you from getting the marital equivalent of a broken hip or failing product line.

Like I talked about at the top of this page, a strong and fulfilling marriage is rich in friendship, partnership and sexual intimacy.  Think of them as legs of a stool; if one leg is wobbly then the stool will be annoying to sit on, if two legs are wobbly then it will drive you kinda crazy, and if all three are wobbly then you're going to be thinking about (and maybe looking for) a new stool.  Looking at your marriage this way can help clarify what needs attention as well as how serious your situation may be.

It all starts with the Marriage Success Habits.  These habits by themselves don't win you the Superbowl (you still need some great plays, coaching and execution) but they will get you to the playoffs.

To support the habits you need to be curious, compassionate and generous, which is difficult if you're stuck "being right", resentful, or inwardly focused.  Of course, marriage is a two-way street and you also need the confidence, influence and self-love to effectively stand up for yourself and get what you want.  In short: you need tools to get past what's holding you back, tools to understand your partner and tools to communicate with each other more effectively.  

Of course, doing all that is hard when you're exhausted, overworked and just want to collapse.  Hard when you're doing so much for others that you don't have time for yourself, and hard if you're dealing with health issues that keep you from fully enjoying life for yourself, with your children and with your partner.  That's why you also need strategies for having more core resources of energy, time and vitality.

Looking at your marriage, skills and resources this way can illuminate a path from where you are to the connection, support and intimacy you crave. 

When you work with me you'll get a clear map and directions to get from where you are to the marriage you want, training in the skills you need to get there, and motivation, accountability and support along the way.

Click to schedule a free consultation, or enter your first name and email below to get my free guide "11 Habits for Marriage Magic!".