Experience a Marriage Filled with Connection, Partnership & Passion!

Welcome to Marriage Solutions

If you and/or your partner are high achievers, “discerning”, and/or have high standards... 

If you're beyond run-of-the-mill disagreements and are wondering if you should, if you even can stay together...

You've come to the right place for high-impact coaching and proven, actionable strategies & skills that can turn around even the most troubled marriage, especially if your partner is resistant to or flat-out refuses therapy or coaching.  

The "smart, successful" trap

Smart and successful people tend to get "stuck" in their relationship because they have three uncommon qualities that can work against love: an ability to solve problems and handle challenges by themselves, a history of being right, and the determination to keep going when others would give up.  The world has told them this and rewarded them for it!  (I've been guilty myself)  

These very same qualities, when misapplied, can become disastrous traps to a marriage.  

Trap #1: "Handling challenge" can leave you stuck in a never-ending seesaw between not wanting divorce and not wanting things to continue the way they are.  After all: you've figured things out before, so of course you'll figure THIS out!  But when you're stuck in a problem for months, even years, it wears down your psyche and keeps you in a state of anxiety: you sleep worse, have less energy, and tend to be impatient and lash out at those around you.  Perhaps worst of all, it imbues a feeling of powerlessness that, because it's so different from how you show up in other areas of your life, can leave you questioning your very sense of self.  Finally, it can keep you stuck grinding your gears instead of seeking the help you need from an expert.

Trap #2: "Being right" in your marriage can lead to chronic disappointment and conflict.  That is, their way of doing things is the "right" way.  Their memory of how something happened is "right".  Their memory of something that was said is "right".  When a partner is stuck needing to be "right" they inadvertently  replace love with domination and suffocate the relationship. 

Trap #3: "Determination" in marriage is a double-edged sword: while it can lead to working through extreme challenges, it can also reinforce the prior two traps by creating an "I'd rather die than give up" mentality.

Does any of this sound familiar?

You can trust me

There's a ton of people calling themselves "relationship experts" and "relationship coaches", to say nothing of actual LMFTs.  Degrees and certifications do mean something, but not everything.  And, likewise for personally recovering a challenged marriage.  Here are some reasons why you can trust me with this special part of your life: 

Effectiveness: You want a coach or therapist who will help you break through that wall.  And with all humility, I'm extremely skilled in getting even the most frustrated, conflicted and “stuck” clients into action and applying the tools they need to turn their marriage, their happiness and sometimes their whole life around.

 Relatedness: You want a coach or therapist who has experienced the challenges and stressors you're dealing with.  Beyond experiences with chronic pain and parenting special-needs children, I bring unique relatedness by having lived two very different lives: first as an extremely successful techie caught up in relationship-destroying logic and rigidity, and then as a heart-forward stay-at-home dad.  There’s a lot in the middle between those two lives, and I look forward to sharing more with you when we work together.  :)

Empathy: You want a coach or therapist who has experienced the specific pain you're going through, and I’ve been there.  I know exquisitely what it’s like to feel chronically hopeless, frustrated and stuck.  That there's no possibility.  And I *ALSO* know what it's like to break through and come out the other side.  

What makes a marriage great?

People have a wide variety of expectations of marriage, but I've developed a formula that, when met, everyone agrees defines a GREAT marriage.  What is this "magic formula"?  It's when you feel your marriage is strong across the three dimensions of friendship, partnership and sexual intimacy.  Many people expect less, but everyone agrees that when you've got all three you definitely have a great marriage.

No matter how you prioritize these three dimensions or define what 'success' means for each, you want all three.  If you're missing any one dimension then your marriage may be functional and even good but it won't be great.  If you're missing two dimensions then it's likely you're experiencing more pain than joy.  And if you're coming up short on all three dimensions then you're running on fumes, either white-knuckling to just hold your relationship together or checked-out and resigned.

How to fix your marriage

You need both a clear plan so you know how to achieve your goal and some key skills to overcome the obstacles on the way there, just like you need both a map and hiking skills to navigate your way out of a treacherous forest.  Without the skills you'll head in the right direction but get stopped by obstacles, remain stuck in your current loop of overwhelm, upsets, fighting and disconnection.  And without the plan you won't know what to do when or even if you're on the right path.

My Marriage Success Habits span all three dimensions mentioned above and make the experience of marriage wonderful; they organically strengthen core skills like communication, compromise and conflict resolution while rebuilding trust, respect, appreciation and attraction.  They are concrete, specific, actionable and measurable.

When you make the Marriage Success Habits an essential part of your day you'll strengthen all three marriage pillars: friendship, partnership and passion.

Of course, just like in the hiking analogy, you'll need skills to overcome the terrain and manage your resources.

Three of the several skills I'll teach you include dissipating anger, summoning courage and connecting to a place of calm and peace.

But there's one final piece... 

Working on your marriage is hard when you're already exhausted, overworked and just want to collapse.  Hard when you're doing so much for others that you don't have time for yourself.  Hard if you're dealing with health issues that keep you from fully enjoying life for yourself, with your children and with your partner.  That's why you also need strategies for creating more of the core resources of energy, time and emotional bandwidth.

Looking at your marriage habits, skills and resources this way can illuminate a path from where you are to the connection, support and intimacy you crave. 

The difference that makes the difference

Knowledge isn't power; applied knowledge applied correctly is what gets you from where you are to the supportive, fun and passionate marriage you crave.  

When you work with me you'll get clarity about what you truly need from your relationship and partner, training in developing the key skills, guidance on how to apply the habits and skills to your unique situation, and the support, motivation and accountability that keep you in action, on the right path and making your way back to love.

This is the special value you get when you go beyond the knowledge and work with a live coach.

Click to schedule a free consultation, or enter your first name and email below to get my free guide "8 Habits for Marriage Magic!".